Mental Health Check-In
I can not do this anymore. Why do I feel so alone? I was doing great, what happened? Why am I like this? These are the thoughts that have been crowding my head lately. This is anxiety, this is depression, this is self-doubt and I have struggled with the ups and downs of being mentally great & mentally hurting. Since my diagnosis of Anxiety, PTSD, & Depression I have had good weeks, bad weeks, and even good & bad months. Certain circumstances can cause my mental health to decline… & this pregnancy has been challenging. Pregnancy is a blessing, and I am grateful for the opportunity to bring life into this world for the fourth time, but pregnancy is also mentally, physically, & emotionally draining. Since my last mental health breakdown, I have been proactive in my mental health treatment. Being proactive about my mental health is the most important thing in my life right now. I have attended therapy regularly & I have been transparent with those around me about how I am feeling.
What I am going through at this moment in my life is the reason why I advocate mental health awareness. I know that there are others whose struggles are like mines or maybe even worst and I want you to know that you are not alone in this fight. Being mentally stable can be a fight for some, and I can admit it has been one of my hardest battles in life. Compiling mental illness on top of being a full-time mother, wife, entrepreneur, sister, daughter, aunt, and much more can be overwhelming. On top of my mental struggles, I often feel like I have to save others around me who are struggling and that also interferes with me staying afloat. Right now I just need to stay afloat so that I can get through this pregnancy gracefully. Each day I wake up and take it one day at a time because I know that I have so many people depending on me. Worrying about those who are dependent on me is what makes me tell myself “Do not give up now, you have come too far from where you started from”. I often speak life into myself, because if I did not who would?
This too shall pass is my current mood, and until this storm pass I will just keep my umbrella up and my head high. I have decided to challenge myself to take the time to put myself first mentally, physically, & emotionally right now. I can not allow myself to experience a mental burnout like this again, because being this low is not healthy. The growth in it all is that I can now recognize when I am not okay, and I can accept that it is okay to not be okay! We are all human, and it is so important, to be honest with ourselves. If you are reading this right now I would like to encourage you to have a transparent moment with yourself and ask yourself “Am I okay?” & “How am I doing mentally, emotionally, & physically?”. These are important questions that need to be asked regularly. I am publishing this blog as a mental health check-in and a moment of transparency. I wanted to post this blog as I am going through it because I feel in my soul that there is someone that needed to read this.
July flew by! There are 4 more months left to make a change and do something to better yourself. Think of one mental health goal that you can work on during these last four months. I have some creative projects that I will be working on, I will also be bringing a new life into this world, & my life will be hectic. With all that I have planned before finishing up the year, my #1 priority for the next four months is to put myself first & then let everything else follow! If this blog resonates with you please like, share, or comment! Also, I would appreciate it if you would comment on your #1 mental health goal for the last 4 months of the year.
I can admit I had some traumas happen in my childhood that no child should witness, or experience. And through my shadow work & connection with my heavenly father I have learned to appreciate my childhood for what it was.
All week on The Pearl Blog I have been discussing moving on, accepting your reality, & healing. Childhood trauma is something does not just disappear because you grow up. But the one thing I have learned from own experience is that age gave me wisdom and has allowed me to appreciate my childhood. Although we did not have a lot, we definitely had enough. My mother was a single mom of 5 kids, and she never once made us feel like we had less. I was born and raised in one of the toughest projects in my hometown, I had witness 2 traumatic shootings before the age of thirteen, I had been introduced to the street life early on, and I knew how to hustle and go after what I wanted & needed since I was 15 years old.
I said all that to say this… my childhood was not peaches & cream, but it made me resilient. I was a resilient child, which created a resilient adult. My up bringing created a savage. I wanted to work & had an amazing work ethic because I watched, my mom work a morning and night shift job while trying to be a single parent. I learned at an early age to not trust anyone because the people I trusted violated me. We must learn that although childhood may not have been a walk in the park… What wisdom did you gain from childhood? , Are you stronger?, & more prepared for your adult life?
Childhood does not have to be all about bad memories! I want to suggest you looking back in some happy times in your childhood. Put yourself in your childhood shoes and discovery what in your childhood brought joy & happiness. Challenge yourself by not allowing your childhood to hold you back from growing. There are 40-year-old grown people in this world, that has the mind & coping skills of their 10 year old hurt self.
I suggest shadow work if you are someone who childhood controls their everyday life, or if your childhood trauma have kept you stagnant. Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner self. Before you began shadow work you must first acknowledge your shadow. Completing shadow work can assist in discovering who you truly are. Shadow work can improve your wisdom, life purpose, and elevate you to your higher self. I suggest following The Holistic Psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera @the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram. Dr. LePera touches a lot on self-improvement and I have attached her Shadow work excerpt & I also would suggest Practically Shameless: How Shadow Work Helped Me Find My Voice, My Path, and My Inner Gold written by Alyce Barry. I promise you will not be disappointed if you reach deep into yourself and do the work! Nothing in life comes easy, so you must take the shadow work seriously. It takes time to heal a lifetime of trauma, but the first step is starting! You must start before you can ever see any improvements.